Failing Dreams

Have you ever wanted something, to do something, to be something, but you didn't know how to achieve it? That's where I am at. I have so many dreams, but I am at a loss of how to accomplish them.

 I want a new career: I worked in television news for 10 years. For a few years now, I have been looking for a change. I would love to work in public relations, and I even have an idea for which type of companies for which I would like to work. The problem lies in getting any potential employers to respond to my resume. My college degree is in Communication. That not only encompasses journalism, but also many other careers, like public relations. But it seems all potential employers see is "News Producer", and they look me over! I would be a valuable asset to someone, especially in a company or organization that I believe in! I am tempted to go back to news, only because I haven't worked full time since October, when my husband and I moved to Oklahoma. But truthfully, I would be miserable. It's hard to make it on one income, especially when we pay child support each month. Now, don't get me wrong! I am not saying my husband should not support his children. But we get them half the time! Half the time! We are supporting them!

 That brings me to my second dream!
A house:
 I have had a dream for as long as I can remember to build a house. When you're growing up, teachers tell you to dream big! Go to college! Then you will have the money to do what you want in life. Well, I did that. I went to college. I have that degree. Now, I want to live the American Dream. I want to build a house! I want a 4 or 5 bedroom house, with 2 1/2 bathrooms and a two car garage. I want it to be out in the country, with 5-10 acres, but close enough to the city that it's not a huge commute. i know what I want it to look like, down to the color of the door! We cannot build a house because we are struggling to make ends meet. So we rent. We cannot decorate like we want. We can't build on to the house we have.

 I want a baby:
I want to have a baby. But without the space for a baby, or the money for a baby, we cannot have a baby. We rent a three bedroom house. The rooms are small. We cannot ask children as old as my stepchildren to share a room with a baby! That would not be fair. Plus, we are barely able to pay the bills now. We are struggling, since I do not have a full time job, so how are we supposed to have a child? I cannot qualify for any government assistance because of my husbands salary...even though we give much of it away to child support... it's a never ending cycle. Here I am, in my mid-30s, without the means to have a child, and it breaks my heart. We cannot have a baby without a new car. We currently do not have any vehicles that will seat 5 people. We already have a family of four. But without me having a full time job, we cannot afford a car payment. See how this cycle works?

 Those are just some of the big dreams I have. There are others-- but it all cycles into these problems! I want to go home and see my family next month. IT doesn't appear we will have the money to do that. So, I sit here, 10 hours away from home, just wishing that I could be there-- if only for a week. Yes, I am complaining. And no, I don't want your sympathy, or any backlash on any of this! I just needed a place to vent... and this is my blog-- so I can do that! Now, let me get off here, so I can go clean this rented house.

One Year and Counting

This Sunday, Jeff and I will celebrate one year of marriage, and I am looking forward to the future! As we left our wedding, we had no idea what the future held. We did know one thing-- we would do it together! This has been a very hard year with many changes. We got married, and a few months later moved from Tennessee to Oklahoma. Now we have his children every other week for the entire week! So in just a matter of months, I became a wife, mother, quit my job, and moved to a different state. I have learned, though, that together, Jeff and I can do anything. I've had my times of grief, but I have had so much more joy! My mom told me before I was married that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. I hope that's true! Because Jeff and I made it! That first year, you learn how to be married. You learn how to compromise. You learn that the two of you are gonna fight, but you also learn how to forgive and make up! I love Jeff more today than I did a year ago. I'm so thankful to God for bringing us together! I look forward to growing old with him!

Unglued Devotional Review

Do you come unglued? I mean, get really mad about the smallest things, or maybe they're not so small! This is me. I have been known to come unglued about things that really, in the long run, don't matter! I was so pleased when I found this devotional by Lysa Terkeurst. Lysa, like me, has a hard time keeping her emotions in check. I was so pleased when I found I wasn't the only person that had this problem. In this devotional, Lysa walks you through "60 days of imperfect progess". I learned a whole lot in this book. On day one, Lysa says, "I'm sad because of the way I acted today. I'm disappointed in my lack of self control....I have to figure this out. What is my problem? Why can't I seem to control my reactions?" I ask myself this same question, it seems, every single day. So, I started this 60 day journey, hoping I can learn to react in a loving way, instead of just exploding. I believe it has really helped! Lysa really hits the nail on the head when she talks about everyday life and how it can just make you come unraveled! She is a woman who knows what it's like to be imperfect. In an age where we constantly see these perfect women at church, at work, on television...it seems everyone has it together but us...this woman admits that it's not always easy to just do the day to day! But she also knows that if you lean on the Word of God, and listen to what God says about you, then you can succeed! On day 51, she said something so true... "What makes a woman tender also reveals her vulnerabilities. What makes a woman transparent also exposes her wounds. What makes a woman authentic also uncovers her insecurities. And there isn't a woman alive who likes being revealed, exposed and uncovered." I am so glad I came across this book, and I thank Booksneeze for providing me with a copy. I would definitely recommend this book to any lady who sometimes has a hard time keeping it together.

Review of 50 Things Every Young Lady Should Know

"50 Things Every Young Lady Should Know" is a great read, not only for young girls, but also for those of us ladies that aren't so young anymore! There are important topics in this book, on exactly what is correct etiquette in many circumstances. Because I was raised as a southern belle, I did know many of them. It covers topics as simple as saying please and thank you and what you should do when you're introduced, plus proper etiquette when you're a dinner guest. It also covers topics that I haven't really thought about in this new age of social networking and using the computer! I actually learned a lot in this book, and plan on going through it with my daughter, making sure she's a lady in every aspect of her life! I recommend this book, and plan to read it again with my step-daughter, teaching her how to be a true lady in every way. I was provided a free copy of this book by BookSneeze, for my honest review.

Little Germ Factories

I moved to Oklahoma three months ago-- and since then I have been sick, in the bed for a week sick, twice! This time I have the flu! But there's one little problem with this scenerio! I don't work, so therefore I'm not around people! So why am I getting sick so much? I think I have figured it out-- two little germ factories named Samantha and TYler! Children are germ factories. I've heard it said many times that when children first go off to daycare, mom gets sick a lot. It's because children carry the germs home! They may not even get sick because they've built up an immunity! But poor mom and dad...didn't even see it coming! Well, being a new mom, even if said children are six and eight years old, I feel the same way! I feel like I've been sick ever since I got to Oklahoma! It makes me afraid to be around them! I'm gonna start taking vitamin C everyday, but moms out there, please give me pointers on how to stay well! I really don't know what to do! I just know I cannot continue to be sick like this! Thank you in advance!

A Year of Reflections

Another year has come to an end. 2012 is in the record books. 2012 has been a year of dreams come true for me. It's also been a year of huge change, something that I've wanted for quite some time. But change doesn't come without growing pains. Many years ago, someone told me "Anything worth having is hard to obtain," and along the same lines-- "anything worth doing is hard". I have learned both of those statements to be true. And this very thing is what I'm pondering at the end of 2012--the beginning of 2013.

On January 27th, 2012, I said yes to a man that I love with all my heart! And on June 2nd, 2012, I committed to love him forever! Jeff is everything I have ever wanted and more. He is the answer to my prayers-- the desire of my heart. My true soul-mate! But I've learned something that no one ever tells you about being a newlywed. It's not easy! It's not all honeymoon bliss! My mom told me something after I got married that no one ever did-- the first year of marriage is the hardest. I have been married for seven months now, and it's hard! Jeff and I have had huge fights, and I have felt inadequate many times.

Added to a new marriage---Jeff brought two children to the relationship. We lived in Tennessee and the kids lived in Oklahoma with their mother. They spent the summer with us...arrived a few days before the wedding. When they went back to their mom's, we made a huge decision--one that will affect the rest of our future. Jeff and I decided that we needed to be with Samantha and Tyler as they grow up! So Jeff started looking for a job. He found one and on October first, we moved to Claremore, Oklahoma. I, in turn, had to give up my job.

I have been wanting a change for quite a while now, but this was a huge sacrifice for me to make.

I have worked in television news for 10 years. For five years before that, I was in school to work in television news. So, this was a career for which I devoted 15 years of my life. It was also something I was no longer happy doing. I knew I needed a change.

I also had to give up my position at church. I have always knew God called me into Children's ministry. For the last year, I got the chance to lead the children as their pastor. It was a position that I was born to do. I love those children with everything in me-- and saying good-bye to them was the hardest thing I had to do. They are my heart! I also knew how much I have grown to love Samantha and Tyler. So, for me, it was a no-brainer. That is, until I got here. I didn't realize how much I would miss going to work every day. I didn't know how much I would miss it just being Jeff and me. I didn't know how much I would miss frequent dinners with my very good friends. But I do. I miss all of it! We have Samantha and Tyler every other week, so I do get Jeff to myself the other weeks in between. But not working is really getting to me. I have never liked cleaning the house. I have a real problem with doing laundry. In my single years, I even contemplated hiring someone to do my laundry. When Jeff and I were both working, we shared the chores--and he did the laundry. Now, it's mostly my job to do the chores. But it's more than housework. I'm a social butterfly. To not work means very little human interaction. Plus, being new in town means I don't know many people. Calling up a friend for dinner is out of the question. I really miss my friends, Melissa and Stephanie. Dinners with them were much needed breaks from life. I still talk to them on the phone, but I need some face-time! I'm already trying to figure out when Melissa and I can meet somewhere for a nice weekend together. I did, however, get a very nice, surprise visit from two of my best friends-- Niecie and Valerie.

They worked with my wonderful husband to surprise me for my birthday. I was so happy to see them, but I was just getting over an illness, and had a very hard time enjoying their visit! So, I'm hoping they can come for another visit in the next few months! What I did would be hard for anyone. I mean, in four months time, I became a wife, a stepmother, quit my job and moved to another state! I'm all for adventure, but this is a little too adventurous, even for me! But being a part of a family has been a prayer of mine for as long as I can remember. I know it's all in God's plan for me to be married to Jeff Griffin. And I know it's all in God's plan to be in Samantha and Tyler's lives. But it's hard. Life is hard. Anything worth doing is hard! Is it worth it? I think so!

So here I am, going into 2013, hoping that I can learn to be a good wife and mother. Praying that God will make me adequate. That God would fill me with his love and his joy-- so much that it runs over into my household. Praying that God would be real in me--and that He will give me a peace about another desire of my heart that I won't share at this time. I am praying that marriage will get easier as I am married longer. That I can learn how to be part of a couple. I was single for so long! I am also praying that God would send me the perfect part-time job--a job that I can enjoy, and can use my talents from 15 years as a journalist. Cheers to 2013!

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Merry Christmas. Today was my first Christmas with a family of my own. WE have Jeff's children for the week, and Santa Claus came to our house! We're now in Oklahoma--far away from my family. I am missing my family something fierce! But at least I wasn't alone this Christmas. I am loved, and I was with those that I love and who love me! Santa Claus brought Samantha and Tyler bicycles! Then, Tyler said: "We need to go outside and check to see if Santa left tracks with his sleigh!" So glad Santa didn't disappoint! He walked outside to find sleigh tracks and even bells that had fallen from the sleigh during the hard landing! We were able to open Christmas presents with my mom and family via Skype. That was a blessing because I miss them so much. Snow was in the forecast for today. That made me excited, since I couldn't go to Alabama for Christmas. But, wouldn't you know it-- the snow storm shifted south-- and it snowed an hour south of us! We didn't even see a flurry. I hope all of you have had a wonderful Christmas.

I'm Back!

Hello, all of my blogging friends. After quite the hiatus, I am back! Let me update you a bit on the last several months! Well, in June, I got married! I still can't believe it! All these years waiting for that special someone to come along turned out to be someone I already knew! So, for everyone out there who has given up on love-- don't! It will happen! Well, that's just the beginning. About six weeks about my husband and I decided we needed to be close to his children to be in their lives while they grow up. So... we moved to Oklahoma! Quite the change from Chattanooga, Tennessee! I still miss Chattanooga everyday, but Claremore, Oklahoma, is a nice town. It's about 30 miles from Tulsa, and known for many famous people-- Will Rogers and Patty Page, just to name a couple! The only thing I really hate about Claremore are the trains. There are two lines that run through town and there's no escaping the sound of the whistle! Plus, you can't drive through town without seeing a train or getting stopped by one! The people in Oklahoma aren't nearly as friendly as down south, but I expected that before I came. It is nice to be close to the kids, though. Samantha is 8 (going on 16) and Tyler is 6. We get to spend half the month with them each month, which is nice, but it's also hard for me! I'm not used to being a mom! On top of everything, I quit my job. I'm trying the stay-at-home gig for a while, and let me tell you: it's harder than it seems! I haven't quite got the art of keeping the house clean yet. But I know I'll figure it out! So as you can see, my life is totally different than it was a year ago. Sometimes I miss my old life, but I love my new life and wouldn't trade it for the world! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When will the resting ancestor toe the line on top of the killer? (Don't ask! Just had to put this on here for something new I'm doing!)

Crazy Busy

Right now, my entire life is consumed with planning a wedding. I knew it would be a lot of work, but I guess I really didn't realize exactly how much work! Today, I made the centerpieces for my reception. Jeff and I also visited a gourmet doughnut shop to discuss a groom's cake.

We're also trying to move into a two bedroom apartment before the wedding so we can have room for his children, who will be spending the summer with us. So today, we went and looked at twin mattresses for their room. We haven't bought any yet!

So we have a million things going on at once, and I just want a day to enjoy without any wedding planning... that's coming tomorrow. I took off work tomorrow since Jeff is off. We are spending the entire day together-- no wedding planning allowed! I'm very much looking forward to it!

Oh, we got our engagement pictures done... above is one of those pictures, but you can view them all here. Enjoy!

The Heron and the Fisherman

I live in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and the Tennessee River runs right through downtown. It's a wonderful place just to go walk. Very peaceful. Like many cities you're not sure what you might find when you get there. Jeff and I were on a date tonight, just enjoying each other's company. We had just got out of the movie theatre, and decided to take a walk along the riverfront. Once we had walked awhile, we took a seat, not knowing we were about to get the most wonderful entertainment. It's the one time I wish I would have remembered to bring my camera, because it would have made for some great pictures. There was a fisherman sitting along the water. He had two poles. Well in comes this Heron. It flew in and stood close to the fisherman. The man got up and moved around, but surprisingly, the bird didn't move. Jeff and I just watched in amazement. We couldn't believe the heron wasn't afraid. The fishermen continued to do his own thing, seemingly ignoring the bird. Then all of a sudden, he got a fish on one of his poles! It was hilarious! The bird reminded me of my dog, just hoping for some crumbs from the table. It walked closer to the fisherman, pacing back and forth as he pulled the fish out of the water... Then it came closer, as to say "Please share". And the man did something we didn't expect. He threw the fish to the bird. You would have thought the bird had struck gold! It hurried over to the fish, pounced on it, and then ate it in one gulp. We were so happy to see this. But the fisherman wasn't done. He proceeded in the following minutes to pull two more fish out of the water-- and the same scene commenced. The bird seemingly helped him fish, watching the water probably only about eight feet from the fisherman. After it got three fish, it stayed for a few more minutes, keeping the man company, and then spread its wings and flew away.

This was one of the sweetest scenes I have ever witnessed, and it makes me smile thinking about it. The fisherman wasn't greedy. He was willing to share.

Many people stopped to watch the scene as they walked by. I'm just glad I got to be a part of it.

Planning a Wedding!!!!

Okay, so I realize I haven't posted in quite a while! It's amazing what happens when you're with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with! It seems you don't have time for things, like blogging!

So, Jeff officially proposed on January 27th! And we're getting married on June 2! I am so excited! It seems my life is finally coming together. My whole life I've dreamed about the one that would make me the happiest woman alive-- and I have found that in Jeff. He loves me and shows me he loves me every single day!

So we're planning a wedding, and we're also preparing for his kids arrival. They will get here just before the wedding and will be with us all summer. I'm jumping in with both feet, and I'm ready for the ride!

We're getting engagement pictures done tomorrow. Once we get those, I'll try to take the time to post a few.

I'll also try to document more on my blog. I think I'll probably wish I'd taken the time if I don't!

Thoughts going into 2012

It's the beginning of another year. 2012 is here. While many celebrate the arrival of the new year, I always hate to see the old year go. A new year always means another year gone. It means you're a year older. It means the year will always be a memory.

This year, I was definitely sad to see 2011 go, but I am looking forward to my 2012. While many say 2011 was a bad year, I say it was one of my best ever. In January, my high school sweetheart contacted me out of the blue. We started talking on the phone, and fell back in love. In March, Jeff came for a visit. Along for the ride, his two children. Two months later, in May-- Jeff moved to Chattanooga. We decided to get married, and we plan to tie the knot on June 2, 2012.

Through it all, there have been ups and downs. I love Jeff with all my heart, but every single day I wonder if I can really be a good wife. I also wonder every day if I can be a part-time mom to his children. I feel so inadequate, and truthfully, they drive me nuts much of the time. But I do love them.

I call it the 30-year-old curse. Let me explain: I've been on my own, and all alone, since I moved out of my mother's house at age 18. Just a few weeks ago, I turned 33. For years, I've longed for the companionship of a man, a family. But during that time, I got used to being alone, even coveting that alone time. So now that I finally do have what I've prayed for my entire life, I miss my time by myself, and even get upset when it's nowhere in sight. I find that I am hard to get along with during these times, and truthfully, I don't know why Jeff sticks around. But if he ever did leave I would hate it! I love him! I love his kids. I just don't love having them around every waking minute!

Now please don't think I don't want to marry Jeff. I am sharing my thoughts, and I don't want any backlash. I wish I could figure out how to fix this problem. I don't want to be alone, and I know Jeff is the man God has for me. He and I were always supposed to be together. Neither one of us realized it until later in life! I just have to figure out how to get my coveted alone time, and still be part of a family. Because truthfully, when we have the kids, I am exhausted from the time they get here until the time they leave, and I just want to close the door and not hear little voices...

Just so you know, I love children, which is why this baffles me. I even teach the kids church at my church! So, I'm doing a whole lot of praying-- hoping that God will show me how to do life as a family. I guess I just don't know how!

Happy New Year everyone-- For me the next five months will be very busy-- planning my wedding. I just hope it all comes together and Jeff and I can live happily ever after.

The True Meaning of Christmas

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
~ Dr. Seuss

It does mean more! It means love for one another. It means family. Most of all, it means Jesus! Here's what happened:


Luke 2
The Birth of Jesus
1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.



Merry Christmas everyone!

"A Heart Most Worthy" Book Review

It's 1918. Three young women, all from different areas of Italy, came to America for a better life. They all got a job at a dress maker's shop. This is the story of those three women, and how they found a life for themselves. Two of the women come from not-so-wealthy backgrounds. The other chose a life of poverty when she moved to America, in order to hide. She and her grandmother are running for their lives! But that life of poverty proves to be quite the hardship! Would they survive?

A Heart Most Worthy, by Siri Mitchell is a slow-starting book. It starts in Italy, for background purposes. I don't tend to like books that do that because I tend to forget as the story unfolds. But I'm glad I stuck with this book. It was very good. I found myself routing for the characters... as one of them gets very sick, as another is running from a murderer. And as they each discover love.

I would recommend this book to anyone that likes fiction set in historic eras. Some parts of it are very predictable, as are most love stories. But others really caught me by surprise.

Bethany House provided me with a copy of this book for review.

Need help!

I've been trying to leave comments on many of your blogs, but everytime I try, blogger says I don't have access to your blog! Anyone know a solution to this problem. It's all of them, not just one or two.

Any help would be appreciated. thanks!

The Best and the Worst of Summer (so far)

Okay, so I know that I haven't posted anything since May. I have to tell you, over the last few months, my life has been turned upside down. But I believe it's all been for the better.

In the Spring, I told you about Jeff. Well, Jeff moved to Chattanooga in May. I absolutely love having him here, but at times I just want to be left alone, too. I guess that's because I am 32 years old and always been single. I mean, I've had boyfriends, but never someone like Jeff, whom I am around a lot and seem to miss when I'm not with him.


Well, as if the change of having Jeff move to Chattanooga wasn't enough, his children (Samantha, 7, and Tyler, 5) came in June, and they've been here for the entire summer. As a matter of fact, we still have three weeks before they go home! Now, Jeff does have his own apartment. But I keep the kids every morning until I go to work so we can cut down on child care costs. That has been quite the challenge for me, to say the least. I have learned that I very much like my "alone time," and I miss it VERY much! Some days I find myself in such a bad mood because I just want to be by myself! But we are having a good time, for the most part, and I love Jeff dearly. So, I'm trying to teach myself to be part of a family and not a "loner". I am also utilizing my time after I get off work to enjoy the quiet I long for much of the time. That's why it's 1:30am and I'm still awake. I work second shift, and I get off at midnight. So, the last 1 1/2 hour has been mine!

I haven't done hardly any exercising this summer-- except chase after Samantha and Tyler. So, my weight loss stands at 22 pounds. I plan to get back at it as soon as they leave. We are starting this thing at my church called "Run For God". It's supposed to teach you to train for a 5k physically and spiritually. So, we'll see how it goes. My goal is to do a 5k before year-end.

I also haven't done much reading. I'm hoping to have a book review for you soon, but adding children to life is HARD! I have so much respect for all of you moms out there, because I'm not sure God made me to be a mom. I just don't feel very good at it. But I am trying!

So, I write all of this to tell you, I'm back, and I'm going to try and get better at my blogging. I hope all of you are having a good summer!

"Unsinkable: A Young Woman's Courageous Battle on the High Seas"

Imagine this: You're 16 and you've been dreaming of something for the last three years. It's a lifelong goal of sorts, and you're just brave enough to try it now! That's the true story in this book. Abby Sunderland has been sailing with her family since she was a baby. Her family spent more time on the water than on dry land. Abby grew up loving the adventure of it all. She was very skilled at captaining a boat even as young as 13... so she decided she wanted to sail around the world, alone. This book is part biography, part autobiography. We get to hear from Abby about how she was thinking, how she was feeling, as she set sail alone. There were some very good times for her out on the water. But then you get to see just how afraid she was when things finally went terribly wrong!

I remember this story in the news. Many were like, "what are her parents thinking?" I remember being afraid for this California teenager, but thinking that I would hope as a parent one day that I would be able to support my children in whatever dreams they have.

I really liked this book in many ways. I am a news producer by profession. This story took me beyond the news, to see the real people and their real story. There were some things I didn't like about the book, however. It goes into great detail about different problems with the boat, or different things about the boat. I know nothing about sailing, and I found these details weighed the story down a bit. SO, truthfully, I found myself skimming through these parts. But if you can get past that, the story is amazing.

WHile many thought it was crazy for Abby's parents to allow her to sail around the world, this was a great learning experience for her... and her faith became much stronger.

At the end of the book, she makes a very huge realization. One that everyone could learn from... She said,

"A lot of times the things that are most worth doing involve risk,
and I'm living proof that not everything works out the way you planned.
But I have learned an important truth: In stepping out and trying to
achieve great things, the only way I can truly fail is never to try at all."

I took a trip to the small north Alabama town of Ider on Friday, to see the tornado destruction there. It's a little less than an hour from Chattanooga. You can read about my trip here.

Praising God in the Storm

Last Wednesday brought 18 tornadoes to the Chattanooga area alone. There is total devastation in many towns in our area. 73 people just in our area alone died in those storms. It is heartbreaking. I work in television news, so we see and hear a lot that the general public doesn't. As we rode out the storms at the TV station, our meteorologist spent the long day on air telling folks when to take cover. For me, as for many of you, it was a day full of anxiety...a day full of prayer. I spent much time asking God to please protect Chattanooga. As the day went on, we got word that parts of Alabama had been devastated as well. Tuscaloosa, where my mom, stepdad brothers, and friends live, just devastated. My co-workers told me, "Nicole, call your family... make sure they're okay." So I did. I was so happy when my step-dad answered the phone. Nearby where my dad and stepmom live-- same type story. But everyone is okay there as well.

So, as the night progressed, the storms got worse here in the Tennessee Valley. We learned after a really bad round, folks were trapped in homes in three different towns in our area. People were dying because no one could get to them. Rescue workers had to leave neighborhoods where people were screaming for help to take cover from another tornado. In our newsroom, we listened to all of this on the scanners. It was heartbreaking. As a journalist, I can usually put up a wall... to keep from feeling anything in sad stories, but Wednesday. April 27th, 2011, was just too much. I broke down-- and cried-- on more than one occasion.

I know how difficult it can be to praise God in the storm. I've been there. When the worst happens. When you believe God for a miracle and that miracle doesn't happen. When you trust Him with your whole heart and you don't get the answer you were looking for. Luckily my family and myself are safe. We didn't receive damage. We were lucky. But my prayer tonight is that those who were affected, those who lost their homes-- or worse-- lost someone they loved-- will run to the Lord, not run away. Because He is our refuge in time of need. He loves us. Despite the circumstances, He loves us. There were entire families who died together in this storm. I just can't imagine. I pray tonight that Jesus will wrap His arms around those who are hurting and give them peace.

My Heart Aches for a Family

Life is so good right now. I don't know how to put it in writing. It's amazing what a little love will do for one's heart. I'm loving the way I feel since Jeff came into my life. Just to think, some people never experience the love of a life partner... and that's sad. It makes me sad that it's taken me this long to experience it, and that I had decided I was going to be single the rest of my life. I am so glad God had better plans!

I've been reading another blog... it's a blog written by the wife of one of my high school band directors. Click here to read it. She blogs about his cancer, and the struggles they go through in day to day life as a family, dealing with sickness. I hurt for them. I hurt for him, but I hurt for her just as much. This man that she loves more than anything is very sick, and he's been sick for a very long time. I just pray that my future family never has to go through that.

Many of you know because of prior posts that my brother died of cancer (Leukemia) when he and I were teenagers. The struggle we went through at that time scarred me for life. And then last year, my grandmother went through quite the battle of her own with ovarian cancer. She's now with my brother walking the streets of Gold. I don't want to ever want to have to say that filthy word again when it pertains to my family. Cancer. It's a scary word. It takes away so much. I just have to believe that God knows how much I've been through and won't ever make me go through that again.

When I finally have the family that I've long desired, I want us to live Happily Ever After. I know there will be bumps in the road. But I want to keep sickness away. It really affects me when I read the Swinney's blog . I pray for them, but I pray for my future family every time as well. I've waited so long to love and be loved that I won't accept an early departure from this world for either of us.