Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Man Hater

Okay, so for once, I have a personal life to complain about. I guess I should be thankful that I have a personal life...much less a complaint. But right now, I am so mad at men--and upset with myself for trusting them! Okay, so maybe not every man--just one right now.

Okay, so here's what happened. Brett and I decided to make up and be friends. That was a little over two weeks ago. I was very happy with that decision. But a week later, he's contacting me--wanting us to be together again. He told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he thought we had a future. Now, a couple of months ago, I thought the same thing, but in the last two months, I have been able to see things in him that I really don't want in my life--and for sure not in a marriage. So, I told him that he had a lot to work on before I would get back together with him. I told him I still wanted to be friends, but I told him I wanted him to better himself for him, not for me, because I wouldn't promise him a future.

Well I was so proud of him! He started really working on a bunch of stuff. He even asked me to help him with a budget. I was really cautious about doing that, because I really didn't want to know his business. He just bought a new car--a car he really couldn't afford. So, I was not real happy with his spending habits. Well, I told him if we did a budget, then I wasn't going to waste my time. He was going to do what I asked him to. He agreed. So, we got together and worked him out a budget to stick to.

He promised he would stick to it--even went grocery shopping so he wouldn't have to eat out so much--then I find out he didn't even wait 24 hours before he got off the budget! He got so mad at me when I confronted him about it! I think he was mad because he got caught! But needless to say, we had a big fight. And I never want to talk to him again! I care to much about him, and he seems not to care, so my view is why should I have to deal with it if he doesn't care about any of it?

From this point forward, I wash my hands of Brett. I want nothing to do with him. I mean, how is it my fault that he can't get his act together? He made me so upset--so upset that I probably said things I shouldn't have.

And on top of that, he lied to some of our friends. HE told them we were dating again--something they later confronted me about , because they knew how I felt about the whole situation. I will not be with someone I can't trust.

The greatest fear I have is I will lose our mutual friends. But they all tell me that I don't have to worry about that. They've also told me that they agree Brett is not good for me right now. They see the same things that I have seen--things I was too blind to see the first time. So, for now, Steve, Joy, and Heidi are all still my friends. I just hope they will continue to hang out with me--especially since the only times Steve, Joy, and I ever hung out was when I was with Brett.
But I really don't think I have anything to worry about with Heidi. She's planning on moving in with me this weekend--if everything works out. That's right! I am getting a roommate! I am really excited about this, but at the same time, very cautious. I haven't had much luck with roommates in the past. But I haven't had a roomie in about six years, so I really hope that I am a better person now than I was then. Heidi and I have both done a lot of praying about it, and her mother, and our pastor, who just happens to be her uncle, both agree that this would be a good move for both of us. However, my family has tried to talk me out of it. My little sis even gave me a huge lecture about it the other day. I was surprised! She usually likes to stay out of everyone's business, but I am glad she decided to tell me. I value her opinion, even if I don't agree with it all the time.

So, for now, I am so glad I am single. I really want to get married and have a family. I mean, I am 28--i'm not getting any younger! And I pray every day that God will send the *right* man into my life. But for now, I am going to enjoy my singleness. God has already answered so many of my prayers this year--I know he hasn't forgot about this one.


Aka...Jon & Lisa said...

Well sis! Things are going to get better I promise. You do what you know you should and God will always do what he promises! As for being a man hater...well it is better to depise men for a moment than to settle for a guy who you will regert for a life time!
As for my LECTURE...I was not lecturing you; I just wanted you to be careful cause I care ma'am. Talk to you soon.
Love, Lisa

Eric said...

Just wanted to say HI!!!

Keep praying and leaving it in God's hands!

Patti Doughty said...

Have you considered making an agreement with Heidi to re-evaluate your living situation after a set amount of time, like 6 months? If there are problems, it's easy to hang on if you know you only have a commitment for a specific period of time. I've also found this to be helpful when living together doesn't work out but we still want to remain close friends.

Sorry about the thing with Brett. A very wise friend of mine once told me that before God brings you His best, Satan brings you his. Perhaps Brett was a distraction from the person God really has for you. Then again, he could be the right person at the wrong time. Time seems to be the key here. I'll pray for you.

God bless,

jamleah said...

Girl, you just stick to what you know. God WILL BRING THE RIGHT MAN into your life. He has a plan for you Ms. Nicole! Roommates can be a blessing too! Just be mindful of each other's time and space! :)