Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Signing Off...

Well, this is my last post for a while... Things are really busy, and I just won't have time to post the rest of the week...But I really hope you all will stop back by in a couple of weeks. I will be back on as soon as I can. Until next time!

Monday, February 27, 2006

I'm Truly Blessed

My life really couldn't be any better right now...well, yes it could. But only if I were married and had a couple of wonderful children...but that's besides the point! :) NO, really... I have a few more days to go and I will be on my way to South Carolina. I am trying so hard to get everything packed up, but I am so exhausted. What was I thinking trying to work all this week and pack! But it's all good. My new company is putting me in a hotel while I look for an apartment. So, I will get there on Saturday afternoon...and I will have a week before I have to start my new job.

Good news! My sister did see my post about how I felt about our fight (see post My sister,my friend)...and she called me last weekend. So, she and I are talking again, which is definately a good start. That's the way it's supposed to be. She and I have always been so close and my life doesn't make sense without her...so things can only get better with her back in my life. I thought the conversation would be awkward, but it wasn't. We probably talked for a couple of hours and just caught up. It was so great! I have missed her so terribly! I am hoping that she and her fiance will come visit me once I get settled in South Carolina. I really want to see her and I would love to get to know him.

I spent last weekend at my grandmother's house in Mobile. I was busy all weekend! Friday night, she cooked one of my favorite meals...crab casserole. Then we sat around and talked (and my sister called me Friday), so I was pretty busy. Then on Saturday, I met Sarah, Jeff, and Jeremy for lunch at Roadhouse. Then I went shopping at Sears Essentials (I love that store) and I went to the pet store, then I went back to my grandmother's house. She and I got ready that evening and went to eat Thai food. (I love Thai food). Then we stopped by my aunt's house and visited with her for a bit. Everyone wanted to see me before I left, so I was running all weekend.

Now, I am busy trying to get packed up. I don't know how much I will be able to post for the next couple weeks. Bear with me until I can get set up in my new place. I am so excited, I can barely contain myself! This is the job I've always dreamed of, but didn't know if I would ever get the chance! I will be packing up my computer in the next day or so, so if you don't hear from me, know that I will update as soon as I can.

Again, thanks to all of you who have so dilligently prayed for me. I don't even know many of you, but I hope one day I can meet some of you who have been my friend through the last couple of months.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Beads and Moon Pies

Well, Mardi Gras is in full swing here in Pensacola...all the way over to New Orleans, and it was no secret if you watched my show this morning. We had one of the Krewe's on the show...and they came complete with lots of beads that each of us were able to come home with. It was a fun interview...then I had a story about a krewe that raises money for breast cancer research, which was pretty cool.

I won't be taking part in Mardi Gras, although it can be a good time. I went one time when I lived in Mobile because I had to work at the parade. We carried it live when I worked at the Fox station there. I came home with lots of beads and moon pies...I love the chocolate ones! It was a lot of fun, but not something I just HAVE to do.

I am heading to Mobile for the weekend. I want to spend a little time with my grandmother before I head north. It will be the last time I get to see her for quite a while.

Well, I hope everyone has a good weekend...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Cardboard Boxes and Packing Tape

The most beautiful sight to me right now is cardboard boxes and packing tape. My house is starting to look like I'm moving, and that's a good thing, since I don't have that long to get things done.

I found out today that my gang from WAFF that I used to work with reads my blog...so this is a shout-out to all of you. I miss you all more than you know!

I am going to get moving service from a u-pack it company. That's a company where they let you pack the truck and then they drive it. It's cheaper than full-service moving companies, but much less hastle than renting a truck and driving it yourself. Besides, I don't know if I could drive a truck and tow my car. I've never done that before! So, this will work out great!

It's so great to know that no one's looking over my shoulder right now. They know I'm leaving so they don't really care if I don't do exactly how they want me to...they only have to see me for another week and two days.

A friend from work (yes, I do actually have a couple of friends there) is coming to help me get some things out of the attic tomorrow. Thank God for friends.

In the meantime, I still can't believe I got a job in a number 35 market. This is huge. I have only been in this business a little over three years...so, for everyone that told me it couldn't be done...take notice! It can be done...and it just goes to show you if you want something bad enough, anything can happen! "God doesn't give us a dream without giving us the power to make it come true". I love that quote. I'm not sure who said it, but it's a quote I live my life by. I have a dream to adopt a child...now with the salary I will be making in SC, that dream should become a reality in the next few years. I am so excited!

Well, guess what. I have to go to bed. I'll write more later. Good night, Bloggers...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

My Hectic Life

So, I put in my notice at work today. My last day is March 3rd. Thank God! Then I packed some boxes. I figured I needed to get started. After that, I went and talked to my apartment landlord about getting out of the lease...and it's going to cost a lot less than previously thought! And I get my deposits back. Can you believe it? I have to find someone to help me load a moving truck in a couple of weeks. Still searching for some help. When I get to SC, I will be on my own, but I really don't want to load and unload by myself. I have so much to do before I leave, and such a short time to do it. But I am very happy I'm moving.

I am so excited!

Monday, February 20, 2006

South Carolina Bound

YEA!!! I got the job!!! And with a salary that I could only have dreamed of! I can't believe it! I told my mom I needed to repent for not trusting God to take care of me. He has absolutely took care of me in this. So, thank you for all who prayed and please continue to pray as I begin this new adventure. I am putting in my notice in the morning at work here and within the next two weeks, I will be leaving.

Thank you, God!

Friday, February 17, 2006

End of the Week

I just realized that I haven't updated in several days. But there's really not a lot to update. I am still working, although I'm not sure how long that will last. And every night when I go to work, it's like fear grips me...I am so afraid I am going to walk in and find a pink slip in my mailbox.

I still don't know about the SC gig. I talked to the Executive Producer, who's hiring for the position, and he told me my paperwork hasn't come in yet. He says it's just a technicality...they have to do a background check before they are allowed to move any more forward with the process. He hopes it will come back today...he says he will call me as soon as he gets it. Gosh, I hope I get this job...and I hope I don't have to wait until next week to find out!

My stomach has been in knots for two days. I can't seem to get it to calm down. I know it's just the stress I am under. My shoulders are tense, I can't sleep, my stomach hurts, and my face is breaking out really bad...all signs of stress. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I talked to my friend, Alex, over IM yesterday, and he told me "you know everything's going to be okay." But I don't know that. Christians would tell me to just "Trust God"...heck, I would say the same thing to someone else. But, it's not that simple. Maybe it should be, but to me it's not. I know in my heart that God is watching out for me, but my head and my heart aren't communicating right now.

All I know are the facts...IF I don't have a job, I can't pay all my bills, which means I can't stay in an apartment, I have to find someone (who likes dogs) to move in with for a while. I can't move in with my dad because my grandmother has taken up residence in their guest bedroom. I can't move in with my mom because she hates the idea of my dog in the house, the only other option is my other grandmother, who would let me come I'm sure, but I hate to ask since I lived with her for four years when I was in school.

and then I have to worry about even being able to get another job. Our industry is so small, that everyone finds out everything about you. So, you mess up in one place, everyone else finds out about it.

This whole situation royally sucks. I guess the main problem is I have always been able to take control over my life. There's only been a couple of other times when something aweful happened and I couldn't be in control...one of those being when my parents got divorced...and the other being when my brother died. But neither directly had an impact on my well-being. I am not in control here. So, I don't know how to handle it.

Wait a minute. Maybe that's the lesson...I have been trying to figure out what I was supposed to learn by coming here, because Lord knows I don't feel like I've learned a darn thing! But maybe, God is trying to teach me that I can't always be in control. Maybe it had nothing to do with learning at my job...but learning in my life. I will definately have to ponder this a while.

I think I may have scared a friend off the other day. Tuesday, when everything happened (see last post), I was so upset. I spent the majority of the day crying because I just didn't know what to do. Well, my friend Jeff called. And I just unloaded on him. Well, he very quickly told me he had another call coming in and got off the phone. Sorry, Jeff. Didn't mean to scare you away. It was just a really bad day, and I needed someone to talk to. I live alone and there's only so much I can say to the dog. But, I shouldn't have unloaded on you like that.

So, I wait... Hoepfully, before the day is over, I will be SC bound. I really do love that staion, and I believe I could be very happy there. PLease continue to pray, because it would be a wonderful opportunity, and it would be a load off my shoulders.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

What a Day...

Okay, so never in my life have I had someone talk as degrading and ugly to me as my interim boss did today. Let me back up and explain...

Yesterday, during our after the show meeting, myself and the anchors had a disagreement. So, we told each other our side of things. Well, because we had a disagreement, we ended up in the boss's office today. NOw, I am sorry, but are we not adults? Should I not be able to stand up for myself without ending up in the boss's office every time?

So, we ended up in there and we all met together first. After that was over, she told me to stay...and she proceeded to tell me how stupid I am and that they are right and I am wrong and if I was smart I would listen to what they had to say. I told her that one person cannot be wrong 100% of the time. But when she told me that I wasn't smart, there were so many things I wanted to say to her. But I bit my tongue. She told me she wants me to quit. I don't know if she can "let me go" just yet because I haven't been there 90 days...

Never in my life have I had a group of people that just wanted to get rid of me! Yes, I have had problems with people in the past, but almost always worked those problems out! Everyone is not always going to agree on things...and for them to say either you agree or you leave, that's just unfair...and unprofessional. I mean, what makes companies great is the diversity in them. Different ideas bring great things together.

So, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I won't be around at my job in about two weeks. Please PRAY HARD that I get the South Carolina job. If I don't, I am in deep trouble.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

No Michelle Kwan

Today, the world mourns as Michelle Kwan, the face of American figure skating, withdraws from the Winter Olympics. I love Michelle Kwan. I have been watching her since she first entered the national figure skating circuit. As a child, I fell in love with figure skating. It looked so graceful and glamorous, that I wanted to do it myself. But we lived in the south where it's too warn for ice skating rinks...and my parents would have never had the money to put me in something like that. So, I watched. I remember when Nancy Kerrigan went to the Olympic games...and had to overcome an injury to her knee to win the silver. And then I remember when Michelle Kwan entered center stage. I have watched her ever since. Kwan is reaching retirement age for skating. She's 25-years-old, and this was to be her final Olympics. She has never won gold...she won silver and bronze. But because of an injury, she decided to pull out of the games. She says she respects the olympics too much to try and skate when she knows she cannot do her best. I was looking forward to watching her come home with a gold, but now that will not happen. One journalist wrote that today is Black Sunday in the Olympics. I have to agree.

Hit by a Mack Truck

I made it back from South Carolina yesterday, but I tell you, I feel like a Mack truck ran over me! LEt me start from the beginning.

I worked all night Thursday night, because I wasn't able to take any time off at work. For one, I don't have any vacation time saved up yet...and even if I did, couldn't have taken it because we are in sweeps and no one is allowed to take off during sweeps. So, Iworked all night and then got ready and went to the airport Friday morning.

Well, something happened with the plane. They said there was a crack in the nose wheel and they had to get it checked out before we could take off. That put us getting out of Pensacola an hour late! So, when I arrived in Charlotte, my connecting flight to Greenville had already left! Can you believe it! So, I went to the special services desk and explained to her how I NEEDED desperately to get to Greenville as quickly as humanly possible. She put me on stand-by on the next flight (which was 2 hours away) and booked me on the final flight (which was about 4 hours away). Remember, I worked all night, and by this time I am exhausted. But I made the next flight...barely! They called my name, and I boarded and they immediately closed the door!

I arrived in greenville at 5:30. I was supposed to be there at 3. When I arrived, they were in the middle of the desk test with the anchor candidates and meteorologist. So, I got to watch most of that. Then we all went to dinner. They took us to this restaurant where everything on the menu was over $16. I have only been to expensive restaurants a couple times in my entire life! They ordered two bottles of wine and appetizers...then we ordered our meals. I couldn't believe how the other half lives. It was amazing.

While we were eating, I sat next to the news director and chatted a bit about the job. She was basically interviewing me while we ate. But it was very comfortable because everyone else was there and I didn't feel like I was singled out. I hardly touched my food. You have to remember, by this time it was like 8 or 8:30 and I had been awake since 9pm the night before. So to eat when I am that tired is a major feat.

So, after we finished eating, I said good-bye to everyone at the table, except for the executive producer. He and I went back to the station and conducted the interview. But it was unlike any interview I had ever been to. We just talked a little while...and watched the 10:00 news. Then it was the moment of truth. I asked him if there was any reason he felt I would not be able to do the job. And he said he could not think of one reason why I couldn't.

That made me feel good. I really feel like I have the job, but it hasn't been offered yet.

So, he finally took me to the hotel at about 11:00. I had been awake for more than 24 hours! I walked into the hotel and WOW! They put me in the business suite. I had a mega king-size bed...a desk and chair, a lounge chair with ottoman, fridge, microwave, coffee pot, iron and board, and a speaker in the bathroom that ran from the t-v. Oh, and the shower head was one of those adjustable heads with the massage on it! It was the best hotel room I had ever stayed in! Too bad I was too tired to enjoy it. I took off my shoes...I had been in those heels since 8:30 that morning...and got into my p-j's. I called my mom to tell her how everything went. Then I watched the final part of the olympic opening ceremonies. At about midnight, I was in the bed heading off to dreamland.

Now, I thought the day went really well, but when I got up the next mornign, I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck. I hurt all over and talk about exhausted! I got up and went to get breakfast (provided by the hotel), then I got ready....put the heels back on and met the executive producer outside at 11am. I gave him the application he asked me to fill out. He told me it usually takes about 3 days for everything to get processed. Then I asked him when I would know about the job, and he said by the middle of the week. Gosh I hope I get it!

After I got the the airport and checked in, I went directly to the bathroom and put on some jeans and some flats! My feet hurt so bad!

I arrived back here on time...I have to admit I was a little worried with that snowstorm coming in to the carolinas that I would get stuck there, but I am home and all I have done is slept since I got here. But if I get this job, it will be worth it. I have to say I love their product and I think everyone I met was so nice. IT was amazing. I really hope I get this opportunity.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Anxious, but Excited!

Okay, so tomorrow I head to South Carolina. I am so excited...and so nervous at the same time. I just got an email from SC and he told me the two main anchor candidates will be there as well, so I will get to be there while they do a desk test. This is to see if the two are combatible and could work well on air together. Remember , this is a brand new show...it's never been on air before. So, the fact that I will be there at the same time means he really likes me and planned it this way. He wants to see how combatible I am with them, too. Gosh, I hope this goes well.

I am flying out tomorrow at 11:03. Please pray everything with the plane goes well. FLying has always made me nervous, and it is a small plane, so that makes me even more nervous...not to mention the fact that I get air sick. So, I have my dramamine and I'm ready to go.

Please pray! I pray they will offer it to me on the spot, so I don't have to wonder.

I will be back online toward the middle of the weekend to let you all know how it goes. I just need to get out of here. I was talking with one of my coworkers today. She is new to our morning crew, but she worked on the evenings before. Well, she told me she is having a hard time adjusting to our crew. She says she feels she can't ever do anything right and they let you know it. and I agree. They still treat me that way, so I completely understand. My crew just doesn't like new people. I'm just glad to know it's not me.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Church Fires

Nine churches have been burned over the last week in West-Central Alabama. One of them was in the county where I grew up. I grew up in a town called Gordo, which is in Pickens County. One of the fires was near Aliceville, which is also in Pickens County. What would possess someone to go around and burn churches? I just can't imagine the mindset. Why is this person mad at the church? Or maybe he or she isn't mad, just hurting inside. I hope the police find the person or persons who are doing this. I would hate for more churches to burn. But maybe this could be a reminder that the church is not a building. The church is people. We don't need a fancy building to worship.

When I was interning with evengelist Pat Schatzline a few years ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to several youth camps around the nation. And my favorite was in Oregon. The place was burning with the fire of God...but the cool thing was...they held the services in a tent. No building...no air conditioning...none of the comforts as we know them...and not only did the camp worship there, but church was held in that tent every Sunday. And at that camp, more stuff happened than anywhere else. The evidence of God was all around.

Allow me to talk about that summer a bit...
I have such good memories of that entire summer...God did so many awesome things in me that summer... I have to say it was one of the hardest summers I ever experienced, though. There were three interns that summer...I was the only girl. And it was non-stop...no sleep...and it was a constant spiritual struggle. When I say that, I mean, God was doing awesome things in me...but because of that I was experiencing spiritual warfare like you would never imagine...well, those of you who did master's commission could probably imagine. And when we went to these camps, God would always pair me with teenagers that needed Him more than ever. Teen girls just seemed to be drawn to me during that time, and the ones that were for the most part needed God to turn their lives around. I have to say God did use me mightily that summer. I would love to get back into ministry. That is when I am the most happy and I feel the most right. I know God has called me into ministry...I'm just waiting on Him.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Another day

Well, it was another day at work...and I am so proud of myself. I carefully think about what goes into every show I produce. I love what I do...just not where I'm at. So, today, everyone thought I should have had a different story in the show. And they overtook me on it during the show...which pissed me off bigtime (excuse my choice of words). So, after the show we always have a meeting to discuss the show...and I stood up for myself to the entire group. That was so hard to do. I let my assistant boss, Randy, know what was going on so he could listen in...and then I told them they all have access to the scripts before the show. If they want a story in there, they need to tell me BEFORE the show...because the way they did it this morning is not going to cut it. Randy told me I handled it well, which meant a lot becase I lack tact in a lot of areas. Hopefully, they will know that they can't just run over me in the future.

It is supposed to be snowing today in North Alabama. I am glad I'm not there...well, let me rephrase that. I wish I could be in the snow, but I wouldn't want to have to try and get to work in it. Because all of the roads will eventually close...and the news must go on. I hope if I ever move north that it is somewhere where they maintain icy roads instead of closing them down.

Well, now I have to go make reservations for my dog at the kennel for this weekend.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

My Sister, My Friend

I watched a wonderful movie this weekend. It's called "In Her Shoes", and it's about sisters who are totally different, but best friends. In the movie, the two have a huge fight and go their separate ways...but life doesn't stop for them, even though they are not a part of each others' lives anymore...and even though their lives go on, they constantly wonder about the other sister and miss her terribly.

This is a subject that I have a hard time talking about, so bear with me. My sister and I had a huge fight over a year ago. Before then, she and I were best friends...at least she was my best friend. We used to get together for a weekend like once a month or so. Since our fight, I've seen her once for a couple of hours. That's when we tried to resolve our problems. But it didn't work...and I haven't spoken to her in months. I miss her terribly... I have missed her since the day I lost her. And the bad part is, I don't even understand why we are fighting. I know what the fight is about, but I don't know why there is even a fight.

My sister is engaged now. I had to find out about it second hand...months after it happened...because my parents never told me about it...They told my grandmother, who accidentally told me one day. She thought I knew...but I didn't. She's planning a wedding without me and that hurts more than you know. I don't even know this guy...and my sister, my best friend, is marrying him. We've talked about our weddings since we were little girls...I am supposed to be a part of this. But I'm not. The bad part is, she doesn't want me to know him. I don't know why...I'll never understand why. If I were madly in love with someone, I would want her to share every part of that. But it's like he replaced me and that makes me sad. I just want to love him...if he's going to be a part of her life, then he and I should be close, too. But it's not that way and I fear it never will be.

"In her shoes" parallels a lot of my relationship with my sister. Don't get me wrong...neither of us is like Cameron Diaz's character in the movie...We are both very responsible with our lives and are going somewhere...I started not to rent that movie because I knew it was about the relationship between sisters...and everytime I think about what has happened between me and my sister, it hurts so bad. But I wanted to see the movie...and it was a good movie...but now I hurt more than ever...and I don't know how she and I will ever make things right again.

I just want things back like they were...talking on the phone for hours and enjoying each others company...spending a night just driving around town with nowhere to go...just driving with the radio up as loud as it will go and singing at the top of our lungs. SHe and I used to do things like that. One time we rode around town and stopped and played on playgrounds and stopped and rode a ride at a carnival and almost fell out! It was so much fun. I want that sister back.

I don't know if she has my blog address...I don't know if she reads this blog...but if you are reading this, know that I love you. I never stopped. I want to know him. I want to love him. I never wanted to push you away or him away...I just want to be a part of your life...every part of you life. I know both of us blame the other for this fight...but let's quit blaming each other and just love each other. I don't expect an apology at all...I just want you.
No terms...just love. And rent "In Her SHoes".

I'm sorry all of you bloggers had to read this...but this blog is my outlet...I feel I can say anything and maybe, just maybe, the right person will see it and call me. I know all of you bloggers are saying, "Just pick up the phone and call her." I can't call her. I'm not strong enough.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Happy Friday

Well, today some really great things happened and something really bad happened. I guess you have to take the good with the bad, huh? Well, the good news is I just found out my best friend from high school, Jen, is pregnant with her second child. She sent me a picture of Connor (her son) holding up a sign that reads "i'm the big brother". So, I called her and said, "Jen, is ther something you want to tell me?" and she just started laughing. She is due in September. I think it's great news...but she will have her hands full once the new baby gets here. Her son will be two years old at that time!

The other good thing that has happened is it was Byron's (our director) last day! Yay!!!Most people were saying how bad it was for him to leave...but those same people have talked bad about him behind his back...but I didn't say a word. I'm glad he's gone. He's always been so mean to me.

Now to the bad news..
I got to work last night, only to find out that Mike, our nightside assignment editor, had been "let go". The word around the station is they eliminated his position. But I'm not buying it. I think there's more to it, and if I'm right, then it just confirms my worst fears about my own job. I'm going to call Mike today and find out what happened.

Well, I have a lot to do today in order to get ready for my trip. I head to SC one week from today. I'm so excited. I've never been there!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhog Day

Well, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning...a sign that there will be six more weeks of winter. He wouldn't have seen his shadow here today. It's been pouring rain all morning. But it's quite allright. I don't need to go out for anything today, anyway. I'm sitting here listening to the latest 4Him cd. I love 4Him. I am sad to hear that they are ending the group. They have always been my favorite. But this latest CD is awesome...as are their other ones.

I had a really good night last night. There is this girl at work, named Heather, that has really become a good friend. And it's funny, because when I first met her, I would've never thought she and I could be friends. But she has a lucky Horse shoe...(a real horseshoe) that she keeps with her at work...and last night she loaned it to me. Now I don't believe in luck, but that small act was monumentous for her. And it really showed me that I have someone standing with me there. She knows the troubles I am having and just wants me to know she cares. And I really appreciate her for that. She worked in the evenings and goes home as I am coming in at night...but here lately she's been staying and chatting a bit.

And tomorrow is Byron's (our director) last day, which also thrills me. He is so hard to get along with, so I am hoping his departure will make my time here a bit easier.

I have one week before I head to South Carolina. I have been busy making sure my dog has a place to stay and making sure I know how to get to the airport...hey it may be simple, but i've never been there!
Friday, I will go get my eyebrows waxed (ouch!) and next week I will get my nails done. I want to look like a million bucks when I walk in next week because I want to be able to sell myself. I will be in SC from Friday until Saturday afternoon and then I will head back here. I am so excited...yet very nervous.

A friend of mine who has my work email address sent me a note the other day and accidentally mentioned this whole thing...which by the way...my work reads my email...so I may not have a job much longer. But for now, things are fine...and I haven't had to talk to the boss-lady all week. Things are swell. Just pray they never see that email...seriously...PRAY!

I was so mad this morning...well, not bad, but frustrated! I tried so hard to get the groundhog on my show after he saw his shadow, but when the time came, all we saw was the handler's butt. We didn't have time to stay on the shot...so we didn't see the groundhog! I tried so hard to get it, too. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

Well, I have a lot to do today. I need to clean my kitchen and I want to clean some of the rest of the house so I can relax more this weekend. It's not that messy, but the longer I neglect it, the worst it gets.

I hope everyone is doing well, and thanks so much for your prayers. They seem to be working. I'm just trying to trust God in all of this. Yes, that is very hard for me. But I've been "reminded" by two people this week how much I need to let God handle all of this. After all, He is God. So, I'm going to try and let Him do His job. Thanks, Eric and Rachel.

It's so funny...three people called me this week to check on me and make sure I still had a job. I told my grandmother when she called not to worry. If something like that were to happen, then everyone will know, because I will be looking for a place to live. It was said in a joking manner, but it's not really a joke. I was serious! :)

Have a good day...more to come.