My Sister, My Friend

I watched a wonderful movie this weekend. It's called "In Her Shoes", and it's about sisters who are totally different, but best friends. In the movie, the two have a huge fight and go their separate ways...but life doesn't stop for them, even though they are not a part of each others' lives anymore...and even though their lives go on, they constantly wonder about the other sister and miss her terribly.

This is a subject that I have a hard time talking about, so bear with me. My sister and I had a huge fight over a year ago. Before then, she and I were best friends...at least she was my best friend. We used to get together for a weekend like once a month or so. Since our fight, I've seen her once for a couple of hours. That's when we tried to resolve our problems. But it didn't work...and I haven't spoken to her in months. I miss her terribly... I have missed her since the day I lost her. And the bad part is, I don't even understand why we are fighting. I know what the fight is about, but I don't know why there is even a fight.

My sister is engaged now. I had to find out about it second hand...months after it happened...because my parents never told me about it...They told my grandmother, who accidentally told me one day. She thought I knew...but I didn't. She's planning a wedding without me and that hurts more than you know. I don't even know this guy...and my sister, my best friend, is marrying him. We've talked about our weddings since we were little girls...I am supposed to be a part of this. But I'm not. The bad part is, she doesn't want me to know him. I don't know why...I'll never understand why. If I were madly in love with someone, I would want her to share every part of that. But it's like he replaced me and that makes me sad. I just want to love him...if he's going to be a part of her life, then he and I should be close, too. But it's not that way and I fear it never will be.

"In her shoes" parallels a lot of my relationship with my sister. Don't get me wrong...neither of us is like Cameron Diaz's character in the movie...We are both very responsible with our lives and are going somewhere...I started not to rent that movie because I knew it was about the relationship between sisters...and everytime I think about what has happened between me and my sister, it hurts so bad. But I wanted to see the movie...and it was a good movie...but now I hurt more than ever...and I don't know how she and I will ever make things right again.

I just want things back like they were...talking on the phone for hours and enjoying each others company...spending a night just driving around town with nowhere to go...just driving with the radio up as loud as it will go and singing at the top of our lungs. SHe and I used to do things like that. One time we rode around town and stopped and played on playgrounds and stopped and rode a ride at a carnival and almost fell out! It was so much fun. I want that sister back.

I don't know if she has my blog address...I don't know if she reads this blog...but if you are reading this, know that I love you. I never stopped. I want to know him. I want to love him. I never wanted to push you away or him away...I just want to be a part of your life...every part of you life. I know both of us blame the other for this fight...but let's quit blaming each other and just love each other. I don't expect an apology at all...I just want you.
No terms...just love. And rent "In Her SHoes".

I'm sorry all of you bloggers had to read this...but this blog is my outlet...I feel I can say anything and maybe, just maybe, the right person will see it and call me. I know all of you bloggers are saying, "Just pick up the phone and call her." I can't call her. I'm not strong enough.