Monday, December 31, 2012

A Year of Reflections

Another year has come to an end. 2012 is in the record books. 2012 has been a year of dreams come true for me. It's also been a year of huge change, something that I've wanted for quite some time. But change doesn't come without growing pains. Many years ago, someone told me "Anything worth having is hard to obtain," and along the same lines-- "anything worth doing is hard". I have learned both of those statements to be true. And this very thing is what I'm pondering at the end of 2012--the beginning of 2013.
On January 27th, 2012, I said yes to a man that I love with all my heart! And on June 2nd, 2012, I committed to love him forever! Jeff is everything I have ever wanted and more. He is the answer to my prayers-- the desire of my heart. My true soul-mate! But I've learned something that no one ever tells you about being a newlywed. It's not easy! It's not all honeymoon bliss! My mom told me something after I got married that no one ever did-- the first year of marriage is the hardest. I have been married for seven months now, and it's hard! Jeff and I have had huge fights, and I have felt inadequate many times.
Added to a new marriage---Jeff brought two children to the relationship. We lived in Tennessee and the kids lived in Oklahoma with their mother. They spent the summer with us...arrived a few days before the wedding. When they went back to their mom's, we made a huge decision--one that will affect the rest of our future. Jeff and I decided that we needed to be with Samantha and Tyler as they grow up! So Jeff started looking for a job. He found one and on October first, we moved to Claremore, Oklahoma. I, in turn, had to give up my job.
I have been wanting a change for quite a while now, but this was a huge sacrifice for me to make.
I have worked in television news for 10 years. For five years before that, I was in school to work in television news. So, this was a career for which I devoted 15 years of my life. It was also something I was no longer happy doing. I knew I needed a change.
I also had to give up my position at church. I have always knew God called me into Children's ministry. For the last year, I got the chance to lead the children as their pastor. It was a position that I was born to do. I love those children with everything in me-- and saying good-bye to them was the hardest thing I had to do. They are my heart! I also knew how much I have grown to love Samantha and Tyler. So, for me, it was a no-brainer. That is, until I got here. I didn't realize how much I would miss going to work every day. I didn't know how much I would miss it just being Jeff and me. I didn't know how much I would miss frequent dinners with my very good friends. But I do. I miss all of it! We have Samantha and Tyler every other week, so I do get Jeff to myself the other weeks in between. But not working is really getting to me. I have never liked cleaning the house. I have a real problem with doing laundry. In my single years, I even contemplated hiring someone to do my laundry. When Jeff and I were both working, we shared the chores--and he did the laundry. Now, it's mostly my job to do the chores. But it's more than housework. I'm a social butterfly. To not work means very little human interaction. Plus, being new in town means I don't know many people. Calling up a friend for dinner is out of the question. I really miss my friends, Melissa and Stephanie. Dinners with them were much needed breaks from life. I still talk to them on the phone, but I need some face-time! I'm already trying to figure out when Melissa and I can meet somewhere for a nice weekend together. I did, however, get a very nice, surprise visit from two of my best friends-- Niecie and Valerie.
They worked with my wonderful husband to surprise me for my birthday. I was so happy to see them, but I was just getting over an illness, and had a very hard time enjoying their visit! So, I'm hoping they can come for another visit in the next few months! What I did would be hard for anyone. I mean, in four months time, I became a wife, a stepmother, quit my job and moved to another state! I'm all for adventure, but this is a little too adventurous, even for me! But being a part of a family has been a prayer of mine for as long as I can remember. I know it's all in God's plan for me to be married to Jeff Griffin. And I know it's all in God's plan to be in Samantha and Tyler's lives. But it's hard. Life is hard. Anything worth doing is hard! Is it worth it? I think so!
So here I am, going into 2013, hoping that I can learn to be a good wife and mother. Praying that God will make me adequate. That God would fill me with his love and his joy-- so much that it runs over into my household. Praying that God would be real in me--and that He will give me a peace about another desire of my heart that I won't share at this time. I am praying that marriage will get easier as I am married longer. That I can learn how to be part of a couple. I was single for so long! I am also praying that God would send me the perfect part-time job--a job that I can enjoy, and can use my talents from 15 years as a journalist. Cheers to 2013!

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