Wednesday, November 08, 2006

All Alone in a Big, Big World

I'm feeling really lonely this week. More so today than I have in a long time. I have more than once the last few days felt my eyes tear up and blinked back the tears because crying won't help.

Can I be real?
Living alone gets to you sometimes. And I don't have anyone here I can go to when I feel this way. But that's nothing new. I haven't had anyone in a very long time...since before I moved to Huntsville, actually...and that was three years ago.

I don't like to share things like this that are in my heart. So many times I go on and on... trying to act like everything's okay. I don't like people knowing what's going on inside my heart. So, why now? Why am I being so candid now? I guess because it's gotten to where I just feel like I need to talk to someone about it. And the blogger world is out there, always ready to listen.

I could go on and on about the feelings I am having right now, but I will refrain from doing so. Some thoughts that I can't seem to shake keep coming to mind. Thoughts of a happy time when I was in the presence of someone I love dearly. That person is far away. It seems like everyone that I love is far away right now. Look at that...blinking back tears again.

I think it's probably the holidays getting to me. Yes, it's hard to believe Thanksgiving is upon us and Christmas isn't far behind. I get this way sometimes during this part of the year. All of the people I love the most are far away carrying on with their own lives, and here I am doing the same, but desperately wanting some companionship.

You might say, well pick up the phone and call those you miss so much. Yes, that helps, but it's not the same as being in the same room with the person, sharing conversation over a cup of coffee or tea. And since college, when my closest friends scattered, I have felt like I was all on my own. Don't get me wrong, I love South Carolina. I miss it when I'm not here. But while I was home in Alabama a couple of weeks ago, I got to visit some very dear friends, and truthfully, I didn't want to say good-bye. Why is it that life is full of good-byes...(tears again)...and never any "I'm here to stays"? I just want one person to enter my life and say "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay forever." And I mean stay physically with me. Someone I never have to say good-bye to. I'm so tired of being alone.

So, here I am...hoping God here's my prayer this holiday season. Please God, you've done so much in my life this year. You rescued me from a horrible job situation in Pensacola, and gave me a great job here in South Carolina with co-workers that like and respect me. You've given me a good church and even given me a small group to start getting involved in. Now, Lord, grant this final Christmas wish. Help me not to be lonely anymore.

4 comments:

bomba said...

He will fill it as only God can.

p.s. I love the pictures below.

dramagirl said...

Hey Sis! I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Hang in there. God is always there, he hears your prayers, and may I remind you...he is an on time GOD! I love you bunches. You can call me in the morning if you need to talk! oxox

dramagirl said...

Hey Sis! I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Hang in there. God is always there, he hears your prayers, and may I remind you...he is an on time GOD! I love you bunches. You can call me in the morning if you need to talk! oxox

jamleah said...

I'm praying for you, Nicole. Reading that post, transported me back to a time when I was feeling the same thing. It was when I first started working at ABC and knew no one. And while I was in driving distance of my family and friends, my life choices has separated me from them. I know you aren't going through that, but I just wanted you to know that I've been there too. God has a perfect plan for you, and while you may not see it right now, you are fulfilling awesome PURPOSES even as we speak. I love you and will continue to pray for you.