Failing Dreams

Have you ever wanted something, to do something, to be something, but you didn't know how to achieve it? That's where I am at. I have so many dreams, but I am at a loss of how to accomplish them.

 I want a new career: I worked in television news for 10 years. For a few years now, I have been looking for a change. I would love to work in public relations, and I even have an idea for which type of companies for which I would like to work. The problem lies in getting any potential employers to respond to my resume. My college degree is in Communication. That not only encompasses journalism, but also many other careers, like public relations. But it seems all potential employers see is "News Producer", and they look me over! I would be a valuable asset to someone, especially in a company or organization that I believe in! I am tempted to go back to news, only because I haven't worked full time since October, when my husband and I moved to Oklahoma. But truthfully, I would be miserable. It's hard to make it on one income, especially when we pay child support each month. Now, don't get me wrong! I am not saying my husband should not support his children. But we get them half the time! Half the time! We are supporting them!

 That brings me to my second dream!
A house:
 I have had a dream for as long as I can remember to build a house. When you're growing up, teachers tell you to dream big! Go to college! Then you will have the money to do what you want in life. Well, I did that. I went to college. I have that degree. Now, I want to live the American Dream. I want to build a house! I want a 4 or 5 bedroom house, with 2 1/2 bathrooms and a two car garage. I want it to be out in the country, with 5-10 acres, but close enough to the city that it's not a huge commute. i know what I want it to look like, down to the color of the door! We cannot build a house because we are struggling to make ends meet. So we rent. We cannot decorate like we want. We can't build on to the house we have.

 I want a baby:
I want to have a baby. But without the space for a baby, or the money for a baby, we cannot have a baby. We rent a three bedroom house. The rooms are small. We cannot ask children as old as my stepchildren to share a room with a baby! That would not be fair. Plus, we are barely able to pay the bills now. We are struggling, since I do not have a full time job, so how are we supposed to have a child? I cannot qualify for any government assistance because of my husbands salary...even though we give much of it away to child support... it's a never ending cycle. Here I am, in my mid-30s, without the means to have a child, and it breaks my heart. We cannot have a baby without a new car. We currently do not have any vehicles that will seat 5 people. We already have a family of four. But without me having a full time job, we cannot afford a car payment. See how this cycle works?

 Those are just some of the big dreams I have. There are others-- but it all cycles into these problems! I want to go home and see my family next month. IT doesn't appear we will have the money to do that. So, I sit here, 10 hours away from home, just wishing that I could be there-- if only for a week. Yes, I am complaining. And no, I don't want your sympathy, or any backlash on any of this! I just needed a place to vent... and this is my blog-- so I can do that! Now, let me get off here, so I can go clean this rented house.

One Year and Counting

This Sunday, Jeff and I will celebrate one year of marriage, and I am looking forward to the future! As we left our wedding, we had no idea what the future held. We did know one thing-- we would do it together! This has been a very hard year with many changes. We got married, and a few months later moved from Tennessee to Oklahoma. Now we have his children every other week for the entire week! So in just a matter of months, I became a wife, mother, quit my job, and moved to a different state. I have learned, though, that together, Jeff and I can do anything. I've had my times of grief, but I have had so much more joy! My mom told me before I was married that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. I hope that's true! Because Jeff and I made it! That first year, you learn how to be married. You learn how to compromise. You learn that the two of you are gonna fight, but you also learn how to forgive and make up! I love Jeff more today than I did a year ago. I'm so thankful to God for bringing us together! I look forward to growing old with him!

Unglued Devotional Review

Do you come unglued? I mean, get really mad about the smallest things, or maybe they're not so small! This is me. I have been known to come unglued about things that really, in the long run, don't matter! I was so pleased when I found this devotional by Lysa Terkeurst. Lysa, like me, has a hard time keeping her emotions in check. I was so pleased when I found I wasn't the only person that had this problem. In this devotional, Lysa walks you through "60 days of imperfect progess". I learned a whole lot in this book. On day one, Lysa says, "I'm sad because of the way I acted today. I'm disappointed in my lack of self control....I have to figure this out. What is my problem? Why can't I seem to control my reactions?" I ask myself this same question, it seems, every single day. So, I started this 60 day journey, hoping I can learn to react in a loving way, instead of just exploding. I believe it has really helped! Lysa really hits the nail on the head when she talks about everyday life and how it can just make you come unraveled! She is a woman who knows what it's like to be imperfect. In an age where we constantly see these perfect women at church, at work, on television...it seems everyone has it together but us...this woman admits that it's not always easy to just do the day to day! But she also knows that if you lean on the Word of God, and listen to what God says about you, then you can succeed! On day 51, she said something so true... "What makes a woman tender also reveals her vulnerabilities. What makes a woman transparent also exposes her wounds. What makes a woman authentic also uncovers her insecurities. And there isn't a woman alive who likes being revealed, exposed and uncovered." I am so glad I came across this book, and I thank Booksneeze for providing me with a copy. I would definitely recommend this book to any lady who sometimes has a hard time keeping it together.

Review of 50 Things Every Young Lady Should Know

"50 Things Every Young Lady Should Know" is a great read, not only for young girls, but also for those of us ladies that aren't so young anymore! There are important topics in this book, on exactly what is correct etiquette in many circumstances. Because I was raised as a southern belle, I did know many of them. It covers topics as simple as saying please and thank you and what you should do when you're introduced, plus proper etiquette when you're a dinner guest. It also covers topics that I haven't really thought about in this new age of social networking and using the computer! I actually learned a lot in this book, and plan on going through it with my daughter, making sure she's a lady in every aspect of her life! I recommend this book, and plan to read it again with my step-daughter, teaching her how to be a true lady in every way. I was provided a free copy of this book by BookSneeze, for my honest review.

Little Germ Factories

I moved to Oklahoma three months ago-- and since then I have been sick, in the bed for a week sick, twice! This time I have the flu! But there's one little problem with this scenerio! I don't work, so therefore I'm not around people! So why am I getting sick so much? I think I have figured it out-- two little germ factories named Samantha and TYler! Children are germ factories. I've heard it said many times that when children first go off to daycare, mom gets sick a lot. It's because children carry the germs home! They may not even get sick because they've built up an immunity! But poor mom and dad...didn't even see it coming! Well, being a new mom, even if said children are six and eight years old, I feel the same way! I feel like I've been sick ever since I got to Oklahoma! It makes me afraid to be around them! I'm gonna start taking vitamin C everyday, but moms out there, please give me pointers on how to stay well! I really don't know what to do! I just know I cannot continue to be sick like this! Thank you in advance!