A Year of Reflections

Another year has come to an end. 2012 is in the record books. 2012 has been a year of dreams come true for me. It's also been a year of huge change, something that I've wanted for quite some time. But change doesn't come without growing pains. Many years ago, someone told me "Anything worth having is hard to obtain," and along the same lines-- "anything worth doing is hard". I have learned both of those statements to be true. And this very thing is what I'm pondering at the end of 2012--the beginning of 2013.

On January 27th, 2012, I said yes to a man that I love with all my heart! And on June 2nd, 2012, I committed to love him forever! Jeff is everything I have ever wanted and more. He is the answer to my prayers-- the desire of my heart. My true soul-mate! But I've learned something that no one ever tells you about being a newlywed. It's not easy! It's not all honeymoon bliss! My mom told me something after I got married that no one ever did-- the first year of marriage is the hardest. I have been married for seven months now, and it's hard! Jeff and I have had huge fights, and I have felt inadequate many times.

Added to a new marriage---Jeff brought two children to the relationship. We lived in Tennessee and the kids lived in Oklahoma with their mother. They spent the summer with us...arrived a few days before the wedding. When they went back to their mom's, we made a huge decision--one that will affect the rest of our future. Jeff and I decided that we needed to be with Samantha and Tyler as they grow up! So Jeff started looking for a job. He found one and on October first, we moved to Claremore, Oklahoma. I, in turn, had to give up my job.

I have been wanting a change for quite a while now, but this was a huge sacrifice for me to make.

I have worked in television news for 10 years. For five years before that, I was in school to work in television news. So, this was a career for which I devoted 15 years of my life. It was also something I was no longer happy doing. I knew I needed a change.

I also had to give up my position at church. I have always knew God called me into Children's ministry. For the last year, I got the chance to lead the children as their pastor. It was a position that I was born to do. I love those children with everything in me-- and saying good-bye to them was the hardest thing I had to do. They are my heart! I also knew how much I have grown to love Samantha and Tyler. So, for me, it was a no-brainer. That is, until I got here. I didn't realize how much I would miss going to work every day. I didn't know how much I would miss it just being Jeff and me. I didn't know how much I would miss frequent dinners with my very good friends. But I do. I miss all of it! We have Samantha and Tyler every other week, so I do get Jeff to myself the other weeks in between. But not working is really getting to me. I have never liked cleaning the house. I have a real problem with doing laundry. In my single years, I even contemplated hiring someone to do my laundry. When Jeff and I were both working, we shared the chores--and he did the laundry. Now, it's mostly my job to do the chores. But it's more than housework. I'm a social butterfly. To not work means very little human interaction. Plus, being new in town means I don't know many people. Calling up a friend for dinner is out of the question. I really miss my friends, Melissa and Stephanie. Dinners with them were much needed breaks from life. I still talk to them on the phone, but I need some face-time! I'm already trying to figure out when Melissa and I can meet somewhere for a nice weekend together. I did, however, get a very nice, surprise visit from two of my best friends-- Niecie and Valerie.

They worked with my wonderful husband to surprise me for my birthday. I was so happy to see them, but I was just getting over an illness, and had a very hard time enjoying their visit! So, I'm hoping they can come for another visit in the next few months! What I did would be hard for anyone. I mean, in four months time, I became a wife, a stepmother, quit my job and moved to another state! I'm all for adventure, but this is a little too adventurous, even for me! But being a part of a family has been a prayer of mine for as long as I can remember. I know it's all in God's plan for me to be married to Jeff Griffin. And I know it's all in God's plan to be in Samantha and Tyler's lives. But it's hard. Life is hard. Anything worth doing is hard! Is it worth it? I think so!

So here I am, going into 2013, hoping that I can learn to be a good wife and mother. Praying that God will make me adequate. That God would fill me with his love and his joy-- so much that it runs over into my household. Praying that God would be real in me--and that He will give me a peace about another desire of my heart that I won't share at this time. I am praying that marriage will get easier as I am married longer. That I can learn how to be part of a couple. I was single for so long! I am also praying that God would send me the perfect part-time job--a job that I can enjoy, and can use my talents from 15 years as a journalist. Cheers to 2013!

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Merry Christmas. Today was my first Christmas with a family of my own. WE have Jeff's children for the week, and Santa Claus came to our house! We're now in Oklahoma--far away from my family. I am missing my family something fierce! But at least I wasn't alone this Christmas. I am loved, and I was with those that I love and who love me! Santa Claus brought Samantha and Tyler bicycles! Then, Tyler said: "We need to go outside and check to see if Santa left tracks with his sleigh!" So glad Santa didn't disappoint! He walked outside to find sleigh tracks and even bells that had fallen from the sleigh during the hard landing! We were able to open Christmas presents with my mom and family via Skype. That was a blessing because I miss them so much. Snow was in the forecast for today. That made me excited, since I couldn't go to Alabama for Christmas. But, wouldn't you know it-- the snow storm shifted south-- and it snowed an hour south of us! We didn't even see a flurry. I hope all of you have had a wonderful Christmas.

I'm Back!

Hello, all of my blogging friends. After quite the hiatus, I am back! Let me update you a bit on the last several months! Well, in June, I got married! I still can't believe it! All these years waiting for that special someone to come along turned out to be someone I already knew! So, for everyone out there who has given up on love-- don't! It will happen! Well, that's just the beginning. About six weeks about my husband and I decided we needed to be close to his children to be in their lives while they grow up. So... we moved to Oklahoma! Quite the change from Chattanooga, Tennessee! I still miss Chattanooga everyday, but Claremore, Oklahoma, is a nice town. It's about 30 miles from Tulsa, and known for many famous people-- Will Rogers and Patty Page, just to name a couple! The only thing I really hate about Claremore are the trains. There are two lines that run through town and there's no escaping the sound of the whistle! Plus, you can't drive through town without seeing a train or getting stopped by one! The people in Oklahoma aren't nearly as friendly as down south, but I expected that before I came. It is nice to be close to the kids, though. Samantha is 8 (going on 16) and Tyler is 6. We get to spend half the month with them each month, which is nice, but it's also hard for me! I'm not used to being a mom! On top of everything, I quit my job. I'm trying the stay-at-home gig for a while, and let me tell you: it's harder than it seems! I haven't quite got the art of keeping the house clean yet. But I know I'll figure it out! So as you can see, my life is totally different than it was a year ago. Sometimes I miss my old life, but I love my new life and wouldn't trade it for the world! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When will the resting ancestor toe the line on top of the killer? (Don't ask! Just had to put this on here for something new I'm doing!)

Crazy Busy

Right now, my entire life is consumed with planning a wedding. I knew it would be a lot of work, but I guess I really didn't realize exactly how much work! Today, I made the centerpieces for my reception. Jeff and I also visited a gourmet doughnut shop to discuss a groom's cake.

We're also trying to move into a two bedroom apartment before the wedding so we can have room for his children, who will be spending the summer with us. So today, we went and looked at twin mattresses for their room. We haven't bought any yet!

So we have a million things going on at once, and I just want a day to enjoy without any wedding planning... that's coming tomorrow. I took off work tomorrow since Jeff is off. We are spending the entire day together-- no wedding planning allowed! I'm very much looking forward to it!

Oh, we got our engagement pictures done... above is one of those pictures, but you can view them all here. Enjoy!

The Heron and the Fisherman

I live in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and the Tennessee River runs right through downtown. It's a wonderful place just to go walk. Very peaceful. Like many cities you're not sure what you might find when you get there. Jeff and I were on a date tonight, just enjoying each other's company. We had just got out of the movie theatre, and decided to take a walk along the riverfront. Once we had walked awhile, we took a seat, not knowing we were about to get the most wonderful entertainment. It's the one time I wish I would have remembered to bring my camera, because it would have made for some great pictures. There was a fisherman sitting along the water. He had two poles. Well in comes this Heron. It flew in and stood close to the fisherman. The man got up and moved around, but surprisingly, the bird didn't move. Jeff and I just watched in amazement. We couldn't believe the heron wasn't afraid. The fishermen continued to do his own thing, seemingly ignoring the bird. Then all of a sudden, he got a fish on one of his poles! It was hilarious! The bird reminded me of my dog, just hoping for some crumbs from the table. It walked closer to the fisherman, pacing back and forth as he pulled the fish out of the water... Then it came closer, as to say "Please share". And the man did something we didn't expect. He threw the fish to the bird. You would have thought the bird had struck gold! It hurried over to the fish, pounced on it, and then ate it in one gulp. We were so happy to see this. But the fisherman wasn't done. He proceeded in the following minutes to pull two more fish out of the water-- and the same scene commenced. The bird seemingly helped him fish, watching the water probably only about eight feet from the fisherman. After it got three fish, it stayed for a few more minutes, keeping the man company, and then spread its wings and flew away.

This was one of the sweetest scenes I have ever witnessed, and it makes me smile thinking about it. The fisherman wasn't greedy. He was willing to share.

Many people stopped to watch the scene as they walked by. I'm just glad I got to be a part of it.

Planning a Wedding!!!!

Okay, so I realize I haven't posted in quite a while! It's amazing what happens when you're with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with! It seems you don't have time for things, like blogging!

So, Jeff officially proposed on January 27th! And we're getting married on June 2! I am so excited! It seems my life is finally coming together. My whole life I've dreamed about the one that would make me the happiest woman alive-- and I have found that in Jeff. He loves me and shows me he loves me every single day!

So we're planning a wedding, and we're also preparing for his kids arrival. They will get here just before the wedding and will be with us all summer. I'm jumping in with both feet, and I'm ready for the ride!

We're getting engagement pictures done tomorrow. Once we get those, I'll try to take the time to post a few.

I'll also try to document more on my blog. I think I'll probably wish I'd taken the time if I don't!

Thoughts going into 2012

It's the beginning of another year. 2012 is here. While many celebrate the arrival of the new year, I always hate to see the old year go. A new year always means another year gone. It means you're a year older. It means the year will always be a memory.

This year, I was definitely sad to see 2011 go, but I am looking forward to my 2012. While many say 2011 was a bad year, I say it was one of my best ever. In January, my high school sweetheart contacted me out of the blue. We started talking on the phone, and fell back in love. In March, Jeff came for a visit. Along for the ride, his two children. Two months later, in May-- Jeff moved to Chattanooga. We decided to get married, and we plan to tie the knot on June 2, 2012.

Through it all, there have been ups and downs. I love Jeff with all my heart, but every single day I wonder if I can really be a good wife. I also wonder every day if I can be a part-time mom to his children. I feel so inadequate, and truthfully, they drive me nuts much of the time. But I do love them.

I call it the 30-year-old curse. Let me explain: I've been on my own, and all alone, since I moved out of my mother's house at age 18. Just a few weeks ago, I turned 33. For years, I've longed for the companionship of a man, a family. But during that time, I got used to being alone, even coveting that alone time. So now that I finally do have what I've prayed for my entire life, I miss my time by myself, and even get upset when it's nowhere in sight. I find that I am hard to get along with during these times, and truthfully, I don't know why Jeff sticks around. But if he ever did leave I would hate it! I love him! I love his kids. I just don't love having them around every waking minute!

Now please don't think I don't want to marry Jeff. I am sharing my thoughts, and I don't want any backlash. I wish I could figure out how to fix this problem. I don't want to be alone, and I know Jeff is the man God has for me. He and I were always supposed to be together. Neither one of us realized it until later in life! I just have to figure out how to get my coveted alone time, and still be part of a family. Because truthfully, when we have the kids, I am exhausted from the time they get here until the time they leave, and I just want to close the door and not hear little voices...

Just so you know, I love children, which is why this baffles me. I even teach the kids church at my church! So, I'm doing a whole lot of praying-- hoping that God will show me how to do life as a family. I guess I just don't know how!

Happy New Year everyone-- For me the next five months will be very busy-- planning my wedding. I just hope it all comes together and Jeff and I can live happily ever after.