Jesus Take the Wheel

Have you heard the new Carrie Underwood song, "Jesus Take the Wheel"? Well, if you haven't you should really seek it out. It is an awesome song and I have found it to be my prayer over the last week. I find myself singing it all the time. The chorus says:

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

I am learning that I can't do it on my own. I have tried for so long to do everything Nicole's way, and I can't do it anymore. So, I am really going to start seeking the Lord and find out what my purpose on this earth really is.

I always felt a call to ministry...and I thought by now I would be in full-time ministry. I always thought I would be married to a pastor, evangelist, missionary, somthing like that and join him in his ministry. But I am 27 years old and not married.

And right now I am doing everything I can do to get financially stable so I can accomplish another one of my life-long dreams...I want to adopt a child from another country. But I cannot do that until I am financially able to do that, which is why I am trying to move up in this business.

There are so many things I want to do in this life, but I'm not exactly sure how to do it. I have always felt a call to children...and at one time I was very involved in children's church and in missions to children, and evangelism to children and teens...but here lately, I haven't been doing anything. I find I am the happiest when I am involved in the church. But I have to find a church where I can be involved.

Work is still stressful, but I am praying that God will help me to do this...at least for now...and in the meantime show me if I should try to get out of the business. But if I do get out, I need to know what I would do instead. I just don't want to be stressed all the time. I love my job, and it's all I've ever wanted to do. But I just don't love the people I work with. And it seems to be that way in most places I go. Everyone is looking to get ahead and they don't care who they hurt to get there...and unfortunately I am the target of most of their fury, because I pose a threat since I am so passionate about my job. I have learned something this week. I don't want my job to be my life...and for the last couple of years it has been. I need a life outside of work. I need friends...I need a purpose...and I need someone special to share my life with. I haven't figured out how to get any of those things yet...but God will help me with this. I am so tired of coming home to no one but the dog...and not having anyone but family to call on the phone...and sitting at home most Friday and Saturday nights with a pizza and rented movie.

I know it seems like I'm whining, but these are things I have wanted for so long. And as far as the friends thing goes...I haven't really made any new friends since I graduated from college. How do you make friends in the "real world". I haven't figured that out yet...So all my friends are so scattered that I never get to see any of them.

I know that I am supposed to be in Pensacola right now, I'm just not quite sure why. I know God gave me this job. It fell right into my lap...and that doesn't happen in my business...I mean from the day I talked to the News Director...it was only a week before I had the job. So, I know I am supposed to be here. But GOd is going to have to help me through this transitional phase because if He doesn't, I am liable to say heck with it and quit. And I don't want to do that. I want to stay for a while and learn the most I can so I can work during the day and make more money and accomplish my dream... but maybe GOd has different plans...who knows?

I just don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff and so, I am sorry to all of you in the blogger world that has to read my frustrations...

Jesus take the wheel...that's all I can say...Jesus take the wheel.

To all of you reading this...please pray that I will find a good church to get involved in and I will find something in the community I can get involved in...and that God will send me some friends...some people I can laugh and cry with...I need that.

'til next time...